Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
