I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
