Non-Jews are for practice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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