I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
