Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
