Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
not ubering you a puppy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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