remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
