i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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