Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
