I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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