Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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