I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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