he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
