Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
