you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
