Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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