i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
