My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
