even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
