This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
