That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
