i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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