I will die if light touches me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
