I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
