Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
