Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
