I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
