do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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