Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
