Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
