I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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