I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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