Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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