oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
