I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
