3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
