I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
