Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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