i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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