You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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