He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
