Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
