VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
