whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
