Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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