The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
