Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
