He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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