Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you would pick up someone in the library
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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