I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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