i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
