Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
