Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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