Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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