Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
