i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
