he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize