I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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