I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
