the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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