we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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