after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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