i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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