It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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