The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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